WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
