at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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