wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
