The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
