Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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