So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want to fling myself into the sun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
