It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
