We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
