the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How external is "for external use only"?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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