You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
