I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
