Who wears a wallet chain?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
