I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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