I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
