You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
