Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
