she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
