You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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