New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize