I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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