THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
