The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
