I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
