Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i will never coherently bang her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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