that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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