You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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