Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
