So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
