From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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