Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
