his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
