Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
