Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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