Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
