A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
