I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your penis caused this!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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