Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.

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  (206): Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once. http://tfl.nu/nlk3
  Replies (6) Good night (1554) Bad night (884)
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  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3955) Bad night (709)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?

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  (732): is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side? http://tfl.nu/sml7
  Replies (97) Good night (919) Bad night (2516)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16

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  (281): I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16 http://tfl.nu/rugk
  Replies (17) Good night (1133) Bad night (3457)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?

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  (207): do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam? http://tfl.nu/5qkv
  Replies (31) Good night (863) Bad night (5415)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1511) Bad night (3962)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

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  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (4096) Bad night (1591)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

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  (678): For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you. http://tfl.nu/2vfg
  Replies (1) Good night (3413) Bad night (1029)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

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  (773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8
  Replies (14) Good night (935) Bad night (3518)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.

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  (617): Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/pm4h
  Replies (4) Good night (1316) Bad night (2953)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.

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  (978): Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child. http://tfl.nu/fq2v
  Replies (7) Good night (1076) Bad night (1726)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.

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  (773): Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important. http://tfl.nu/scnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1315) Bad night (599)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun

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  (347): Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun http://tfl.nu/317f
  Replies (2) Good night (995) Bad night (326)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  PS my house is a mess.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  pps I have a rash on my face.

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  (403): PS my house is a mess. (403): pps I have a rash on my face. http://tfl.nu/t8vc
  Replies (3) Good night (256) Bad night (727)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.

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  (936): Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/7tz2
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (322)

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