dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite