hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You work out of a Hotel?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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