If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after