you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
