Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

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  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (42) Good night (13189) Bad night (1236)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

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  (617): I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two http://tfl.nu/3vhn
  Replies (6) Good night (3350) Bad night (1523)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.

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  (850): 2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers. http://tfl.nu/i0nm
  Replies (4) Good night (1181) Bad night (2442)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls

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  (406): Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls http://tfl.nu/v5lo
  Replies (7) Good night (2003) Bad night (865)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas

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  (734): I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas http://tfl.nu/ktjl
  Replies (8) Good night (1629) Bad night (794)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.

  (1+44): View more from

  Doesn't she keep a spare?

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.

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  (+44): You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys. (1+44): Doesn't she keep a spare? (+44): Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans. http://tfl.nu/5sic
  Replies (7) Good night (3023) Bad night (1342)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.

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  (303): Get a piano. I want to have sex on it. http://tfl.nu/t29o
  Replies (19) Good night (2295) Bad night (717)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.

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  (813): Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey. http://tfl.nu/gju4
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (1118)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it

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  (336): Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it http://tfl.nu/7tpk
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (645)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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  (704): She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words http://tfl.nu/kxrj
  Replies (5) Good night (976) Bad night (400)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night

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  (843): If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night http://tfl.nu/kgui
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (661)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.

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  (586): Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too. http://tfl.nu/y4xc
  Replies (1) Good night (681) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.

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  (606): He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. http://tfl.nu/68ad
  Replies (1) Good night (742) Bad night (320)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (774): so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/ddu7
  Replies (4) Good night (906) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?

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  (773): I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day? http://tfl.nu/hz4d
  Replies (6) Good night (343) Bad night (885)

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