That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.