Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
