Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
