My hand turned me down
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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