my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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