I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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