You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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