Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
