Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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