I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
