There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
