tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
