Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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