on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
