this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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