haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
