I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
