it was like his penis was on wheels.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
