I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
