Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
