Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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