if only i could text you this smell
lets start a swedish sibling band together
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
