Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
