My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
