I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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