we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
