he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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