Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
